Why Not! Be Resilient

- by Julie Wininger

A pepper tree sprouted near my fence from some wind blown seed or traversing root system.  It just appeared one day and started to grow into a nice shade tree.  As the years went by, this tree's trunk pushed up against a board in the fence and bent the board until it nearly broke.  My neighbor complained about his side of the fence buckling in, so I cut down the tree.

       But a few weeks later the tree began to sprout again from the sawed off stump.  You see, the roots of this tree grew deep and with that foundation, the tree was able to bounce back even after an apparent devastation.

There is a parallel here for our nation and our world.  After 9-11 when our country suffered a devastating blow, with two great towers cut down and many lives lost or severely damaged, we have come back.  Our roots grow deep and we are resilient.

True character is revealed under extreme circumstances.  Yet even everyday life often requires coping skills.  The Power of Why Not! Is about taking risks, it is about getting up after you fall and making another attempt, going on with life after a loss. 

Too often we let fear of failure or fear of repeating past negative experiences hold us back from what we really want to do.  Yet haven’t we all at some point done something foolish?  Been turned down?  Been rejected?  Been hurt? Yet we have survived through these events. It's a normal part of life. Our coping skills have gotten us through difficult situations. 

Your coping skills are determined by what is inside you.  Like Goldilocks discovered, being too soft or too hard is ineffective. When a raw egg is dropped, its fragile shell cracks and can not protect its soft inside.  Hard boiling doesn't solve this situation.  The cold hard egg is no less resilient.  When dropped against the hard floor, the hardboiled egg still shatters.

But think of a rubber ball.  When a rubber ball is thrown down it bounces back – often bouncing higher than from where it had stated. 

I remember a line from the movie Caddy Shack that applies here: 'Be the ball.'

           When life slams you against the wall, you'll have the right stuff inside to be able to bounce back.

Here's some Practical Tips to use to gain the strength necessary to face life's challenges:

Practice Positive self-talk:

Your mind believes what you tell it.  Here's an example:  Imagine picking a large, ripe lemon. . . Slice it open and let the juices flow out. . .   Smell the tangy fruit. . .  then bite into the lemon and let the juice fill your mouth.  

Did your mouth water? Why? You didn’t really bite into the lemon, you just told your mind you were doing so and your body reacted.

In the same light, when you tell yourself negative thoughts: "I can't do this; I don't have the right skills;" etc.  Your mind believes it. 

Instead tell yourself positive messages:

- I have faced tough situations before and I know I can triumph over anything.

- I have the confidence and skills necessary to help me succeed.

Build confidence by listing your accomplishments:

Here's a great confidence booster: 

List 25 accomplishments in your life.  Sure you have that many (and probably a lot more).  How about learning to tie your shoes? Riding a bike?  Didn't those skills take a lot of practice until you got them right?  How about other accomplishments?  Graduating second grade? Learning to read. . .  You get the picture. 

List all the things you have accomplished and are proud of.

Keep this list as a reminder of all the great things you have done.  It's often easier to remember the negative events.  Use this list to remind you of the positive.  

Use the refrain: What if? So what!

Often we imagine the worst-case scenario. What if that happens!  First of all, realize that you probably have a better chance of winning the lottery than your worst-case scenario your mind can imagine.  And if you do take a risk and fail, or get rejected, tell yourself, 'So What?'  Your coping skills have gotten you through in the past and will so again.  

Use a Keepsake

Keep something tangible with you as a reinforcement to remind yourself to look on the positive side.  Wayne Dyer keeps a laminated copy of the prayer of St Francis.  I use my Y-Knot pendant.  This object has become an anchor for me.  Whenever I need a little boost in confidence I can touch the Y-Knot logo and be reminded of my accomplishments and my resolve to overcome obstacles.

To use an 'anchor' effectively:  Start when you are in a positive mood, when you have just accomplished something that makes you feel on top of the world (review your list of accomplishments and remember how you felt after those big events).

Then touch your 'anchor' and associate that great feeling with the object.  Do this often, whenever you are in a great mood and feeling good about yourself.

After the object has become a positive anchor, you can touch it for a little extra inspiration and confidence when you need it during times of stress.